Mr. Wrong

We’ve reached day 8 of the 100 day challenge!

I’m generally a very guarded, private person. I tend to be careful with people at first and generally keep my guard up and my defences on high alert for a long time. I always thought that would be enough to protect me from ‘the wrong’ people. Oh how I foolish I was.

When Mr. Wrong, as he’s been dubbed by friends, and I first met it wasn’t just that sparks flew; it was that we seemed to complement each other. He brought out a carefree attitude in me that I didn’t know I could have while I grounded his, oftentimes not very realistic, ideas and thoughts. He was the first person ever to show me that my illness didn’t matter in a romantic relationship, that it was only part of who I was and not a part that anyone should be intimated or repulsed by. I danced with him, sang out loud with him, laughed and cried with him. I am sceptical and guarded, but I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone before and got softer, older and wiser for it.

Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and I will not even try to go into the whys and hows and buts of the small personal tragedy that unfolded. Suffice it to say that when Dot was born I was still angry, hurting and raw. Very few people know the story, so I talked to no one about it. It just slowly ate at me.

It’s nearly been two years since Dot’s birth. And I’ve reached the stage where I can own the experience and just be grateful. Grateful to have trusted and laughed and lived regardless of the outcome. Grateful for the spiritual and personal growth that came out of the pain. But mostly grateful for the biggest personal mistake I’ve ever made that was the only thing that led me to the miracle that is Dot.

Zoe

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About icedcoffeecreature

Hi there! I’m Zoe; a (mostly!) green foodie, soon-to-be mother of one and the proud “owner” of a slightly wonky immune system! If you happen upon my page, please say hello!

4 responses to “Mr. Wrong”

  1. llallred says :

    I love this! Thank you for sharing and reminding us that miracles can come from pain. I really, really love the end of this. You are amazing!

    • icedcoffeecreature says :

      Hey!!!! I’ve been thinking about you all and wondering how you are!! I think miracles always come from pain, no?! I hope this finds you all as well as can be!
      Zoe

      • llallred says :

        As well as can be expected. I think I’m in the best place I’ve been since Ryan died, but not sure how long this will last. We went to church today and my little boy was dressed so cute incliding little bow tie, vest and page boy hat. I had to hold back the tears as I looked at him. His daddy would have just melted. I’ll never stop missing Ry and that will always hurt, but I’m working so hard – for my sake, but moreso for my children – to learn to move forward and find happiness again. How is Dot? Been thinking about the two of you also.

      • icedcoffeecreature says :

        I’m so sorry for the inexcusably long time it’s taken me to answer you. I can’t even imagine how strong you must be for your little boy and your little girl and for Ryan and his memory and love and how you do all that you do day in and day out! You’re all in my thoughts and prayers, every day. Dot is having a semi-ok spell at the moment, and we’re all trying to enjoy every last minute of it. I was thinking yesterday that being grateful when things are going well is so easy sometimes, being grateful when they’re going horribly wrong is incredible. Been understand how people do that recently… I hope this finds you all as well as possible! Zoe

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