We’ve reached day 8 of the 100 day challenge!
I’m generally a very guarded, private person. I tend to be careful with people at first and generally keep my guard up and my defences on high alert for a long time. I always thought that would be enough to protect me from ‘the wrong’ people. Oh how I foolish I was.
When Mr. Wrong, as he’s been dubbed by friends, and I first met it wasn’t just that sparks flew; it was that we seemed to complement each other. He brought out a carefree attitude in me that I didn’t know I could have while I grounded his, oftentimes not very realistic, ideas and thoughts. He was the first person ever to show me that my illness didn’t matter in a romantic relationship, that it was only part of who I was and not a part that anyone should be intimated or repulsed by. I danced with him, sang out loud with him, laughed and cried with him. I am sceptical and guarded, but I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone before and got softer, older and wiser for it.
Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and I will not even try to go into the whys and hows and buts of the small personal tragedy that unfolded. Suffice it to say that when Dot was born I was still angry, hurting and raw. Very few people know the story, so I talked to no one about it. It just slowly ate at me.
It’s nearly been two years since Dot’s birth. And I’ve reached the stage where I can own the experience and just be grateful. Grateful to have trusted and laughed and lived regardless of the outcome. Grateful for the spiritual and personal growth that came out of the pain. But mostly grateful for the biggest personal mistake I’ve ever made that was the only thing that led me to the miracle that is Dot.